Remembering My Sister

It's been three months since my sister kicked the bucket. I have always wanted to write something about her but it seems so hard for me to start my first word. I admit that I still cannot move on. It is hard to let go of her memories. I went to work in Makati City five years ago and I remember we were on our first day for our voice and accent training when I cried because I was asked what to do if I had one million dollars. I said I would give it to the cancer research institute to help them find ways to cure my sister's illness. That was months after she was diagnosed of cancer. It was hard for me to carry on but I knew it must have been harder for her.

Every time she crosses my mind, I recall she was telling me a story for me to fall asleep on a gloomy Saturday afternoon twenty four years ago. When I hear a certain song on the radio, it usually reminds me of the time when she and I were singing in front of a cassette recorder to record our song. Whenever I see a kite in the sky, I think of her when she was flying one. My father used to make those and we all tried them on our rooftop.




My sister was the one who trained me in solving math problems and in writing my compositions too. One morning when I woke up, she told me that she saw a lizard went into my cabinet. So I hurriedly checked it out but when I opened it I saw her gift for me. She gave me a pair of goggles which we used when we went swimming. She used to scare me with that scary mask we had. She kept on laughing at me because I was really afraid of it. We used to sing together whenever there was a moon. Singing and wishing whenever we saw a falling star too.



I am writing this article in between sighs and sobs. In fact, today while I am writing this third paragraph, it is now the fifth month since she left. Just imagine how hard it is for me to finish this story because I honestly don't want this to end. One night, I dreamed about her so I went to our home in the province two weeks ago. I felt like I had to do something for her. Many months ago she told me that she wanted to come home too to fix her belongings she left behind when she went abroad 15 years ago. She reminded me not to touch them because she wanted to fix them by herself. When she appeared in my dream that night, I knew I had to do it for her.

Her things which were wrapped in a plastic has been sealed for almost a decade. I opened it and found her friend's letters and her pictures. Some of her notes when she was still in college and her drawings were kept in there too. I also found a Bible and I was thrilled when I opened it by the bookmark. Here is what I have read:

Luke 8:40-49

[40] Now when Jesus returned, a crowd welcomed him, for they were all expecting him. [41] Then a man named Jairus, a ruler of the synagogue, came and fell at Jesus' feet, pleading with him to come to his house [42] because his only daughter, a girl of about twelve, was dying.

As Jesus was on his way, the crowds almost crushed him. [43] And a woman was there who had been subject to bleeding for twelve years, but no one could heal her. [44] She came up behind him and touched the edge of his cloak, and immediately her bleeding stopped.

[45] "Who touched me?" Jesus asked.

When they all denied it, Peter said, "Master, the people are crowding and pressing against you."

[46] But Jesus said, "Someone touched me; I know that power has gone out from me."

[47] Then the woman, seeing that she could not go unnoticed, came trembling and fell

at his feet. In the presence of all the people, she told why she had touched him and how she had been instantly healed. [48] Then he said to her, "Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace."

I was touched by this story and I felt happy for my sister. I was also amazed since I never expected that the story she was reading probably 15 years ago in this Bible would be related to what she was experiencing all those years when she was still living. I thank God that He has always been there for her. She might not be here today but I know she is now with Him everyday.

Have you ever tried reading a letter you made for someone after more than a decade? I have found my letters for her back in 1994 and reading letters which I have already forgotten is the

most saddest feeling I have ever felt. My father and my sister's letters were also there. My father was surprised and could not even remember that he had written several letters for us when he was in Libya to work in 1982. It was hard for him and I know he did not want to feel the pain of losing his first born daughter. That is why he was not able to read the whole letter that time. I know it was really hard for him too. My sister was very much like me since she also loved keeping memories like these. I was hardly hit by the fact that she had kept my letters all those years. I still felt her love that day when I was reviewing my old messages for her. I couldn't hold my tears as I was reading the first part of my letter for her. I was weeping like rain that day because I knew that the person I wrote it for is already gone.

Today is March 15, 2011 and I have finally decided to publish this article. I got sick last month and I really missed my sister a lot at that time because I remember, she used to call me whenever I was not feeling okay. My body was terribly hit by a rubella virus or simply called the German measles.

I was so ill but every time I felt the pain in my body, I realized that it was nothing compared to what she has gone through in those years. I am sorry Ate' for not being able to comfort you in person when you were still there. I admire your strength in facing your fate and I hope I could always be like you. Our sister and our parents will always keep you alive in our hearts. Your voice will always be in my mind.

One thing is for sure Ate' that this is not yet the end. I will still see you someday. When that day comes, I will gladly hold you in my arms and I will never let you go. I miss you and I will never forget you.